My Mom is Many Things
But I would not call her a cook 🍳
Many cooking and food podcasts start with the question, “What was food like in your home growing up?” I often think about how I would answer that question, as there wasn’t much cooking in my house growing up.
Today is when we celebrate mothers/mother-figures, or think of them. My mom, Carla, is a very special person in my life. She is adventurous, silly, ambitious, creative, and loving. For example, she recently signed up for an in-person StorySLAM competition, telling a story about how she lost her phone in London and her quest to figure it out. Or her upcoming trip to Spain later this year with a friend she met in England in the 1970s, that’s my mom. My mom is a lot of things, but I would not call her a cook.
Growing up, both my parents worked, and I have very few recollections of my mom in the kitchen. My mom had a complicated relationship with food, and in my youth, I was often thinking about losing weight, so food had more of a negative undercurrent rather than a celebratory one.
In the last 5 years of thinking primarily about food, I have tried to think about what my ancestors ate and what food culture I came from. My mom’s mom wasn’t a cook either, and seems to have left much of their Eastern European traditions behind. I often think about what my mom and her brother, Richard, ate growing up. I love to learn about the popular dishes of the 1960s and imagine my grandmother, also not a stay-at-home mom or cook, as one of the first of her generation to be targeted by ads for convenience and processed food.
Fast forward to today, I often joke that my mom lives a dream life because my dad does almost all the cooking. 😊
In thinking about Mother’s Day as an occasion to learn more about my mom and her relationship to food and cooking, here’s our conversation:
What was dinner like in your household growing up? Who did all the cooking?
I grew up in the 1960s, when the “man of the house” expected meat and potatoes on the table at 6 p.m. sharp. That’s what my dad wanted, but my mom didn’t always oblige. She wasn’t a natural cook, and as a working mother (both my parents were teachers), she couldn’t fathom why shopping and food prep automatically fell to her.
So, we ate out a lot — diners, cheap chain restaurants like Howard Johnson’s and Shakey’s Pizza, as well as some incredible Italian spots in Utica, New York, where I grew up. I think this was her quiet rebellion, her version of “women’s lib.” As a young bride in the early ’50s, she missed the feminist wave that shaped my generation. So … to answer the question: Yes, Mom did most of the cooking, reluctantly. My dad? Never. My brother and I? Nope. Fast food and TV dinners saved the day, more often than not.
What were some popular dishes you remember eating at home? Anything you really loved or hated?
My mom loved to entertain, even if it meant she had to cook. When we had company, she’d pull out dishes like beef stroganoff, roast beef, and calves’ liver with bacon (a favorite of my dad’s). On regular nights, there were the staples: hamburgers and hot dogs (boiled), vegetables (canned), and salad (iceberg), with Mom’s signature “home-made” dressing (mayonnaise and ketchup). Interestingly, Mom didn’t like meat, so her go-to dinner at home, while we ate the regular meal, was often just a baked potato with sour cream or a bagel. One of my favorite meals? Pierogies. But not homemade, she bought them fresh from the Polish neighborhood in Utica.
Did anyone ever teach you how to cook? Any family recipes passed down?
Not really, embarrassingly few. Nana Esther’s pot roast recipe made its way to me. She wasn’t a great cook either — her broiled hamburgers were so overcooked they looked like meatballs. (That may explain why her pot roast was decent.) But she loved to entertain and always set a beautiful table. She’d serve halved grapefruits for appetizers, neatly serrated and topped with a maraschino cherry (yup, red dye). She also made Eastern European soups like borscht (beet purple) and schav (sorrel greens). I could manage them as a kid with enough sour cream.
When you had kids of your own, how did you handle meals? Did you wish you cooked more? Were you worried about nutrition?
Oh god, this is embarrassing! I definitely inherited some of my mother’s habits in this department. And, yes, I would have liked to cook more and been more of a home-making Mom, but I was focused on my career, and when I wasn’t working, I wanted to spend time with friends and family, not in the kitchen. Chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, Lunchables, potato buds... yeah, I brought them all into our home. I didn’t worry enough about nutrition back then.
Was there a time when you really started to enjoy cooking?
Yes, and more as I got older. Even when I was younger, I tried to perfect one or two dishes per decade that I could confidently serve to company without stressing out. There was beef bourguignon, spaghetti carbonara, chicken pot pie, some good stir-fry dishes, and a much-loved Passover brisket (until we started cutting back on red meat). At times, I love the process, especially if I can set aside a couple of hours for it. I’ll put on music, tie on an apron, and get into the rhythm of chopping, stirring, and sautéing. I aim to have everything prepped so I can enjoy the people I’m cooking for. And sometimes, your dad and I cook together, which brings its own kind of connection.
Any funny food fads or meal phases that didn’t stick?
Blue Apron! Your dad and I were early adopters. We signed up when it first came out — three meals a week, everything pre-portioned. It was a little fussy, with lots of steps and ingredients we’d never heard of. But we learned a lot, from spice combinations to portion sizes to “how to zest a lemon.” Eventually, we started skipping steps, then meals, and finally gave it up. But it shifted our mindset. We became more open to cooking new things, and most of all, it ramped up Dad’s comfort level in the kitchen, which, I have to say, has worked out well for me.
Has your relationship with food changed over the years?
Oh yes — so much. I remember being about 11, home alone with my brother. We’d defrost a frozen Sara Lee pound cake, then split it, half each. Pure bliss.
Later, in college, I struggled with disordered eating — years of carrots and dry salad, avoiding foods I loved. But over time, I found balance again. Now, I eat a little of everything, try to prioritize health, and make room for the occasional indulgence.
Some favorites: blackened shrimp, Caesar salad, chicken parm, pasta in all its forms, rice dishes, sautéed veggies, flourless chocolate cake, ricotta cheesecake. And I’m very much looking forward to the tagliatelle with tomatoes and greens you’re making me for Mother’s Day, plus whatever surprise bean dish you’ve dreamed up.
Final thoughts?
Danielle, I’m in awe of the path you’ve taken in food. You’re a creative cook, a thoughtful recipe developer, an advocate for sustainable agriculture and better food systems. You inherited Grandma Lois’s gift for effortlessly feeding a crowd, and you’ve got my love for entertaining and connecting with people around the table.
The best of both worlds. And I couldn’t be prouder.
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 love you, mom! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
❗PAY ATTENTION ❗
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✨ Gems of the Week ✨
- , a newsletter I’ve found helpful since being laid off last year, was mentioned in the NYT this week - the more people that share their stories the less stigma there is.
HeyDay Canning, known for their flavored beans and soup line, launched a new “perfectly seasoned” bean line. This says to be that beans are a HOT category, but also that consumers might not be ready to pay premium prices for flavored ones and they might also be figuring out how to prepare them!
- ’s piece on the misconceptions around sugar is a must-read. There is absolutely a demonization of sugar, and like most things, we have to look closely at why this is. Sugar, as a global industry and crop, has a heinous history, but as something that we eat, I was surprised at much of the research included.
The infinite immensity of seeds: Rowen White on rehydrating ancestral foods as a way to reseed imagination
Growing for the Future - our next Farm to People event is on 5/20 with:
Qiana Mickie, the Executive Director of the NYC Mayor’s Office of Urban Agriculture, a longtime food systems advocate, and the former Executive Director of Just Food.
Simon Ziegler co-founder of Sun Sprout Farm, an organic vegetable farm in Chester, NY, that serves CSA members and has been a long-time partner to Farm to People.
Tickets here
Rhubarb Chia Seed Jam 🌸
Rhubarb can be intimidating to work with if you’ve never tried it ✨
This is a foolproof way to make jam, and you can do it with any fresh or frozen fruit 🍓 Recipe video here.
R E C I P E ✨
5 stalks rhubarb
honey or maple syrup (about 3 tbsp)
3 tbsp chia seeds
lemon
I N S T R U C T I O N S ✨
- Cut the rhubarb stalks into pieces
- Add sweetener
- Cook on the stove while simmering until the stalks break down to be mushy (like 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally)
- Once broken down, add chia, stir in, and remove from heat
- Squeeze lemon and let sit about 20 minutes
Had no idea you grew up in Utica - spent my formative years in Oneida. Munson-Williams-Proctor was always a favorite..
Love my MIL